Canes; Coyotes and Columbus first half surprises 
It's going to be a battle in the second half between the Coyotes and the Blue Jackets It appears long suffering fans in Columbus might have something to cheer about in the second half of the season for once.
A perrenial underachiever, the Blue Jackets have risen in the standings this year and are poised to be in the hunt for a playoff spot, a seldom seen feat for the franchise.
"I've built a future powerhouse and if we make the playoffs, there's going to be some mayhem. Gongshow style mayhem. It's going to be a travesty for whoever we face," said Columbus GM Serge "ghillie suit" Niles.
Motivation has been the key factor, said Niles.
"We tell them there's a source of pride here in Columbus. When you pull on that jersey, you are pulling on the B and the J on it. You have to want that, and I'm proud to say every player here wants a BJ," explained Niles. "If we keep this up, that pride will grow and soon, every player in this league will want a BJ too."
BJ support is even starting to show up on team apparel The Blue Jackets aren't the only team making a run in the standings after struggling the past few years. The Blue Jackets sit 9th in the Western Conference, but are tied with the Phoenix Coyotes for 8th, each team having 40 points. Phoenix has played one less game than Columbus, however.
"It's nice to see," said forward John Tavares, the top pick by the Coyotes in the 2009 WCHL Entry Draft. "We've struggled the past few years, but we feel we are turning the corner and moving in the right direction. It really helps to see that progress."
"We've got some good things going here," added GM Phin Liew. "We've tried a bunch of different options, but this year it seems waffles in the shape of boobs does the trick. Guys like waffles and boobs, so we combined them. You get an extra waffle for doing something good, like scoring a goal, making a big save, breaking up a two-on-one, that sort of thing. It really motivates the guys. All the time I hear something like "See that boys, I just earned a titty waffle. Woooooooo."
It seems to quickly have becom the breakfast of champions in Phoenix, where the Coyotes are 6-3-1 in their last 10 games, and are 8-1-1 in their last 10 at home.
"I eat a lot of witty's," admitted Dustin Penner. "They taste better than pancakes for sure and witty's don't hurt my back either."
Dustin Pennr's days with pancakes are over, as he's found a new love; 'witty's'. In Carolina meanwhile, it's all about finaly having players that don't get traded every 13 seconds.
"I actually got to meet some of our players this season," said forward Justin Abdelkader. "I didn't even know Brad Stuart was on this team until this season. I was wondering who that guy was sitting across the dressing room from me. I honestly thought he was the equipment manager who had a fetish for wearing smelly jockstraps."
Abdelkader would have a hard time getting to know his teammates, as he's been recalled from and demoted to the ACHL so often he has enough frequent flyer miles to export the entire population of Luxembourg to Canada.
"I think I've married three stewardesses accidentally," said Abdelkader. "There's some really messed up laws when flying over international waters. I'm not really sure why (General Manager) Mike (McFarland) makes us fly over the Pacific Ocean when we go from Raleigh to Charolette."
While Carolina is still making more moves than John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, it's paying off this season. The Hurricanes are a remarkable 26-10-3 which not only has them in the playoffs, but also leading their division and sitting with the sixth best record in the WCHL.
"We've finally done it," exclaimed McFarland, jumping around in a lab coat. "I knew if I traded for, released, signed and then waived every player in the NHL three times, with one of those times under a red moon at midnight in the Burmese jungle, the hockey gods would be appeased and they would show their favor to Carolina."
"All hail to Carolina, and their glorious 1,000 year reign. The Hurricanes shall be glorified on this day," McFarland added, before turning around and ripping the heart out of a duck with his bare hands and praising the Hindu god Kali.
Kali was the god worshipped in the film Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. McFarland was stopped before he could throw the duck into a volcano.
"Kali Ma! Kali Ma!" McFarland screamed, holding the duck heart which he lit on fire during a press conference.
